And I've Lost It

My mom tells me that after my little sister was born (her fourth child), my dad would come home from work and she (my mom) would be in tears--totally exhausted and overwhelmed. I don't remember this. But I'm so glad that she told me. Because this is how I've been feeling. So-maybe Laney and Louisa will read this one day and know that their mom didn't have it all together either.

I lost it today. I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it was the solid two weeks of someone in our house having a nasty cold. Or maybe it was three months of not sleeping well. Or perhaps the thought of Laney being on Christmas break for two weeks did me in (do 3 year olds really need a two week 'vacation'???). Or maybe I'm just not cut out for being a mommy to three little ones---it's hard, really, really hard. Someone is always needing something. Always. Always. Always. And I'm not always sure that I'm doing a good job--or even an adequate job.

But I lost it. And if I would've been able to find a competent or even semi-competent babysitter (that wouldn't judge me!)-I would have got into my car and driven away. I might have taken Louisa with me-she's dependent on me for food and I'm not that bad of a mom. And besides she tends to sleep in the car. But I would've driven away--I don't know where to, but away. To clear my mind and just to get some peace and quiet.

So, yes, I'm overwhelmed and tired. I've learned that I can't do it all. My house it dirty, my kids are screaming and I'm a mess. I have three adorable, wonderful kids-who can drive me absolutely crazy. Not even close to it all.